Time out

My computer crashed. Hope to get it fixed by tomorrow. Right now, I'm incredibly fixated on my thesis and tabloid output for Journalism 101. University week is such a bore today and left the campus very early for work at the Capitol instead. I have free media passes for Dinagyang - a perk for the intern in the Provincial Information Office. And I'm reading Susan Sontag's Journals.

I'm gonna pick up Rey on Saturday and spend the weekend with him here. The festival will be a great distraction to me.

Am I really showing signs of imminent spinsterhood?

My best friend told me that I am. And I still can't get over it. Oh, my sadness just escalated all of a sudden. I need a half day to take this.

What's wrong with postponing relationship until I find someone right for me? I have accepted courtship from people before but it never turned into anything substantial because it just didn't feel right and I don't want to mess with people's feelings.

And the fact is, I'm very busy and will be very busy in the next couple of months. I don't really have time to fall in love.

But then Jay's remark just slapped me in the face.

It hit me that I am are getting to that age where it’s downright bizarre that I’ve never been in a "serious" relationship before. 

Of course, I want to fall in love, be someone's girlfriend, do those things couples do. I want to know how to love someone so completely without being crippled with anxiety. I want to get over whatever it is that’s holding me back from achieving this but I also have to face the reality that I might not ever figure it out.

I'm literally crying in this part.

People do end up alone. It happens. Months turn into years and all of a sudden you’re the one who never found love. I’m at a crossroads. Either figure it out now or get used to living life alone. Love is like a muscle and if you don’t use it, you’re going to forget how to do it. You’re going to forget how to love and then you’re going to be forgotten.

I seriously don't know what to think or do right now. I'm just so pathetic.

My Tumblr

Auld lang Syne

I am a series of small victories and large defeats and I am as amazed as any other that I have gotten from there to here. - Charles Bukowski, The People Look Like Flowers at Last 

I am excited for the New Year.

Why, you ask?

I will (have to) finish my thesis some time on the second week of January; my internship on February. And with these wrapped up and written on my Application for Graduation forms, I will finally be legitimized to graduate.

I will graduate on March. The four years of hard work, tears and feats for an English degree will rest its case. And I may or may not graduate with a laude status.

I will move to a place of my own after graduation. And that’s where my own life as an independent miss will start.

I will take a Master’s degree in English Literature, as to where, I’m still haven’t made a choice between UP and my school.

I’m going to look for a writing or a teaching job or a call center stint. It’ll be painful but the bills have to be paid.

I will have to survive each day with ramen noodles and canned sardines until my first salary.

And continue my bookish examination of the contradictions and complexities of human motivation and desire through the many novels that I will finally be able to read because I will have more time for it. Maybe some Bukowski and Cheryl Strayed.

More books, more music, morning coffee and afternoon tea.

More unplanned trips and adventures with friends new and old.

What more?

I have no idea. And anything is possible. Every good and bad.

But I will be okay. Okay is almost always where I will eventually land, even if I fuck up entirely along the way.

Happy New Year!

Photo 

Sand and Waters

From Desktop

From Desktop From Desktop

I'm playing with Picasa. Yeah. These are my tagged photos from the beach trip I told you about. I think I'm going to post a Photodump of the trip next week though. But now here's how I felt about it. The note from the second picture are lyrics of Swan Song.

By the way, this one is just beautiful. I fully intend to play this on my next stargazing night. In the meantime, I'm gonna pop Away We Go in the obedient DVD player. 

It's so nice to be home.

The State of Kate

From Collages

There's not much to say about me right now. Though I have a few thoughts drifting in and out the transom of my mind for the last couple of days - they are all entirely loads of bull.

What troubles me is what troubles every student at the end of every semester. Grading season is here and my classmates have seen their pitfalls and glory implied by the numbers in their IUIS. As for me, my sad life requires me to get the best of me for my grade in Practicum Teaching is still on hold since my critic teacher hasn't given me the grade yet. I'm really trying not to lose my cool here for the sole reason that I have much respect left for him, but I'm already trying so hard, I don't know if I can bear this any longer. Why can't he just give me the grade already? He doesn't have to make so much effort in doing so. All he needs to do is give me the grade due me. Is that really so hard?

I haven't run since Saturday night and I ate like five pieces of butterscotch today. I'm feeling guilty again. Ahh. Whatever.

I'm going to work on my thesis tomorrow till Friday. I have not much time left. Our final thesis defense will probably be on the last week of November. I have to finish this thing as soon as possible and be prepared for the big thing.

I will do my internship this semester. Still thinking about the possibilities. There has been a change of plans though. Turns out, I'm not gonna be able to apply at the SSS. I'm looking forward to a position in telemarketing. Let's just see what my destiny holds for me on this.

Aha! I'm officially a Spire editor. Spire is the yearbook of the University. I am overwhelmed by our list of things to accomplish but I'm so very passionate about this opportunity that has fallen upon me. I'm excited to work with the curriculum and the alumni office.

The only thing that I haven't yet fulfilled in my bucket list for this semester is getting my ears pierced. Why can't I find the time to do this?

I'm halfway through my marathoning of How I Met Your Mother Season 7. I have finished the four episodes of Season 8 just before I wrote this post and I have been the happiest me tonight.

This morning, my girl friends and I went to a long overdue trip to a beach in Oton. I feel refreshed from the rip. I had fun playing in the cool water like a kid again, taking snapshots of the place, getting sunburnt on my arms and cheeks, tracing footprints in the brown sand, eating junk, and talking to my girls. Awesome way to spend my morning that I had to sleep the entire afternoon.

After so many nights I'm feeling surprisingly un-overwhelmed by the future. This doesn't happen often, so I guess I will milk it while it lasts. I am just starting to feel that things will work out one way or another, and right now I really do not have much control over anything other than how hard I've been working to make my dreams happen, so what use is worrying, really?

Life hasn't been perfect lately, there's been lots of ups and downs. And yet -- I am okay. I've been incredibly happy before, sure, but it's been a long, long time since I've been incredibly happy when things are far from perfect. And I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I'd like to think that this is a sign that I have grown and matured as a person and that I am slowly but surely finding peace within myself.

And probably, the reason of me being okay is my family and my friends. Thanks for making my everyday tolerable. Thanks for showing you care. 

Late Night Thought: Post-Grad Crisis

I slept on the bus on the ride home. I was so tired from the photo shoot, mind-numbing thesis dissections with my thesis adviser and training for my statistical analysis contest on Friday.

But I’m home now and I’m right here in my desk, in my bedroom in my own house, comfortable and with a pleasant view overlooking the terrace. I won’t sleep again tonight. I have so many articles to write and photocopies to read. A sip from my steaming coffee is a moment of respite to a restless mind.

My days are filled with things to do. And that is not without a few concerns and worries making perforations on my sheet of calm. It seems to me that this thing they call senior year is actually getting serious by the day. Last semester was the hardest of the seven semesters I've been through and it flew so fast and ended before my very eyes.

Now, only one semester left before I graduate and I feel both happy and sad. Happy because all these academic pressure will be done and over with, and sad because I will no longer see my friends as often as every day, no more allowance and well, real life. 

The point of this post is actually this - becoming stagnant after college. Right now, there is always something to look forward to, always something to aim for. A party, a miserable term paper, going home for a week — there is always something in sight. I fear post-college will be an endless tunnel. The future scares me. Real life will be different. 

My thoughts are getting shittier by the moment. Ahhh.


Did you have a quarter-life crisis? Because right now, I'm in a state of my own little twenty-somethings, soon to be graduate, what-the-heck-am-I-doing? 

It happened to me. It was one of those moments that sticks in your head like a movie you know you'll never forget. I was going to the canteen, and as I was checking out the mini-forest canopy, out of nowhere, one student greeted me, "Good morning, Ma'am." I was wearing my practicum uniform and yeah, I did look so professional. Couldn't blame them.

What happened after that is sort of a blur. I probably just mumbled a 'Good morning' in return and paced to my point of destination as fast as I could. When did I become a ma'am? How did I go from a young lady to a ma'am, I thought? A term reserved for, well, lack of a better word, not me. Ma'ams were for teachers, or the sort of women that would tell "In my day" stories. The fact was that I didn't feel like an adult. At all. 

So when did I become one? Somewhere along the way, I got to thinking that once I get into college, everything would fall into place as if the stars would just aligned for me. I'd have everything figured out by now. I know what I'll do. 

The real truth? I am actually left more confused. Who am I? What do I want in life? Where am I going? For the first time since kindergarten, my "life canvas" is blank. It is time for me to forge my own path, for me to make my own to-do list and for me to paint that canvas. 

Oh no. I just hope that adulthood doesn't suck so majorly. It's like being dragged to a party where I know no one and have no idea what to do besides sit on the farthest end of the room and stare at everyone having fun. 

I will not surrender to the vague and murderous pressure of adult conformity. It becomes easier to die and avoid conflict than to maintain a constant battle with the superior forces of maturity. Rather, I'll use my time wisely adoring my family, cherishing my friends and living my life and what remains of it.

The After-Finals To-Do List

I think it is safe to say that the past couple of weeks, I've been the happiest that I've been in a long, long time. Now is finals week and I'm fucked. Seriously, I have tons of things to do and not enough time. So before I start whining about the five impossible modules I have to finish before tomorrow, I need to relax and see what lies ahead to give me some drive to get this done and over with. 

Things to do after finals week:

1. FD presswork. Next week will be another rounds of restlessness. I am not even done with my stories for the magazine. This will take my entire week next week.

2. Finalize my thesis. Okay. My thesis should be in on the last week of November so in order to meet the deadline, I will have to roll my sleeves for the next three weeks and take this one very seriously. I need to finalize chapters 1 to 5 before the start of November. Good luck to me.

3. Apply for Internship. I will process my applications next week. My plan is to apply for the Social Security System. I am seriously considering a career in public policy and social insurance policy which is a safe fall back if ever I reconsider taking studies in law. My dream for professorship was already fulfilled by my practicum in teaching anyway. I think this is a sound choice. 

4. FD Fee Collection. When the second semester enrollment rolls in, there is no choice but to man the office and help out. Think free food. Think free WiFi. It'll be a blast.

5. A contest in Statistics. Oh the irony. I was chosen to be on the team that will join the national competition  in Statistics. What made them consider me is a complete mystery. The contest will be on the 19th so I dunno what to do. I don't even remember a single thing from my Statistics class two years ago for crying out loud. 

At this point, I realize, my semester break is still about school. Okay. Let's go to the things I'll do and actually enjoy.

6. Take a vacation with friends. I need this. I badly need this after this week. The Guimaras trip was so much fun and I need more! Carolyn's planning about this and I'm coming. I'm coming!

7. Clean my room. Okay. It's a hell hole in here and I'm such a slob. I need to do laundry - wash my sheets, wash my shoes. Organize my wardrobe. Get uniforms fixed and re-sized.  Organize desk. Throw things out. Burn my photocopies. Ahhh. The downside of being independent.

8. Have some ME time. Pamper self. Egg white face mask. Olive oil and honey hair conditioning therapy. Olive oil massage. Baking soda body scrub. Sleep for 12 hours. Watch How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. Iced coffee. Read a book distraction-free. Blog more.

9. Regain my Zen life. Yoga in the morning. Yoga before bed. Mindful eating. Long baths. Early bed times. Simplicity. Breathing. 

10. Play Harvest Moon. 

Now, I need to get back to work. Will blog again on Friday night! 

I never smile until I've had my coffee.

 

 

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Nescafe:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.

Happy Birthday to Rey

Happy Birthday to my best friend Rey, who remains close to me despite distance, 'growing aparts', misunderstood text messages and emails, and his constant tardiness during planned hang-outs (which happens to be every single time).

This guy knows everything about me, which scares the hell out of me. He knows me for more than 12 years (since 2nd grade) and that's more than half the duration of my existence. We practically grew up together and he's been there for and with me making me smile. He became my best friend in high school and introduced rock music, boys, world domination, Family Guy, and a whole lot of random things to my rather boring life. When are you going to get sick of me? Haha

Thanks for putting up with me, dude. I love you!

I hope this made you feel warm and fuzzy and, oh well, special on the inside.

Dear guy-in-plaid-shirt:

Last Friday I wore a romper - which elicited a lot of unsolicited, yet kind compliments from my peers.

And yesterday I wore a dress.

Yes, finally, a dress.

I know, doesn't seem like such a big deal.

But it means so much to me. This is the first of the small things that would reveal my insecurities with a certain, tangible clarity.

I want you to understand that the absence of dresses and rompers in the years before this - the fact that I haven't owned any of that - reveals what I cannot freely admit to anyone but you. And that will give way to your first glimmer of understanding.

Because today I wore a dress, a romper. And tomorrow it is my presence in the photos in the family album smiling and full of assurance, my attendance in social circles, my best foot forward. And from there...well, from there...I just don't know - maybe I could wear my wedding dress.


love,

your boot-scoot-and-boggying--jeans-wearin'--lady

Forgive Yourself

Forgive yourself the nights you climb into bed face full of makeup, too tired to take it off. Forgive yourself the days when one cup of coffee is not enough, when the two major food groups are coffee and sugar. Forgive yourself that one night when at two am you were still awake eating a box of Hopia, craving and feeling guilty thereafter.

Forgive the moment you let a boy touch your body just because you’re feeling vulnerable and lonesome and a little curious. Forgive yourself and forgive him and get over it. Realize that you have more self-control, grace and respect than you ever thought. Keep some secrets closer but tell it to a trusted girl friend. Do not regret. At that time, it was exactly what you wanted. Now, save yourself for someone who truly cares.

Forgive yourself for actually loving the gentle curve of your hips. And to hell with a society which suggests you might not or should not. They herald your womanhood, the man you marry will lose himself in them, and they will hoist groceries and children. Love it instead. Beauty is the projection of ugliness and by developing certain monstrosities, that we obtain the truest of friends and the purest of ornaments.

Forgive yourself for plucking your brows way too much, for constantly picking on a zit in your chin, for braiding your hair even if you know it'll damage it, for missing yoga practice in two weeks just because you were awfully busy, for the messy bedroom, for the laundry piled in the corner, for the book you haven't finished reading after all this time. Forgive yourself for you are young and experimenting with your looks. Start once again. Take care of your body and your mind. 

Forgive yourself for the times when you left all your work at the backseat just to escape for a little time, just to see that it has doubled since you last perused it. Forgive yourself for being overwhelmed with school work, publication duties and stage arts practice. Take this pressure as a guiding force and start again.

Forgive yourself for being too proud sometimes, for being a snob, ignorant, for being unloved and being incapable of showing your feelings to others. For crying instead of talking back to people when they hurl your ego to the wall. Crying is not weakness, crying is a testament of your unfaltering humility and sincerity. Forgive the nights you cannot sleep - sadness or some unnamed force pressing heavy on your chest. Forgive the mistakes of the last several years. – so you made them. Okay. Enough. Move on. The mistakes and the fault-lines, they are the foundation. 

Forgive yourself that you did not choose an easier path. And forgive yourself the sadness you caused those around you. The broken-promises and cutting words and the things left unsaid. Fear was large and biting. Forgive the anger you feel after arguing with your siblings, they were wrong but so were you. Feel it and then look again with kinder eyes. Forgive yourself for not handling it all better, for feeling like you let others down.

Forgive yourself for crying two days in a row, for the heavy sighs and breaths. The path is not done, the road is not finished, why are you trying so hard to rush the whole thing? And please, for the love of all that is good and holy forgive yourself for loving some people who cannot love you back. Love them anyway. Live your way into it, with love and grace and kindness. Ferociously, begin to live and work and fight and love with an unparalleled ferocity. Let fear dictate nothing. Unfurl your chest. You have all the armor you'll ever need. See with wide eyes and don't forget to laugh.

The Dreaded Question

Why are you still single? This is the most dreaded question of all singletons like me. I’ve come up with 10 answers so that I could say one of these in varying occasions whenever someone asks me the very same question.

Why are you still single?

1. “The towering stack of boyfriend applications in my office is so overwhelming, I just can’t even begin to look through them.”

2. “I’m actually practicing for my stint at the nunnery.”

3. “I’m still single because James Franco didn’t ask me out – yet.”

4. “I am too busy spending time “doing me”, which includes hanging out with my books and practicing my Victorian era curtsy.”

5. “I’m not in a relationship because I am in a committed relationship with my thesis.”

6. “I’m lacking in the looks department and my personality isn’t any better.”

7. “I’m heartbroken. Sure, my last and only relationship ended three years ago, but I’m still healing.” (LOL)

8. “I’m asexual.”

9. “Because I love being single. I LooOooOoVe it.”

10. “I sincerely have no idea why I’m single.”

There’s a degree of truthfulness in all of these. The tenth however is the most dead-on.

A Shade or Two

I don’t know if these pictures could do justice to showing the change in color of my hair, but yes, I did color my hair just yesterday. It was an action done on impulse, really. Me and my friends were bored and we decided to do something reckless while watching What A Girl Wants.

Nothing has changed much to my hair. It’s just a shade or two lighter. It is barely noticeable even under the sun. Very subtle. I kinda like it.

On happiness, wishes, and years passing by

(For some weird reasons, the song Fast Car by Tracy Chapman made me weep for a minute after my hundredth time of listening to it and joyfully inspired me to write again.)

Five years from now, I want to see myself pursuing graduate studies not for the benefit of my bank account or my rank as an educator in an institution, but for the sheer enrichment of my mind and soul. I want to be pursuing something that will be with me till I grow older, to have something to be busy thinking about not just doing about. I want to be passionate about something completely, entirely. If that would be teaching literature, I would be incandescently happy.

Ten years from now, I want to live in a very simple house, preferably near a body of water, may it be a lake, a pond, with lush greens around it, and beautiful flowers too. I will do the gardening, though I’m not sure if I have the green thumb to go about it. My house will be very quaint but elegant. It will have a breakfast nook and a window spot where I can stay all day or all night if I wish, reading my favorite book of the moment. I want to have a lot of rugs and curtains for added coziness and some romantic lighting. It will be my retreat after a busy day at work. I don’t want to own a car. I don’t see the need for it if public transportation is already at arm’s length. I want to have a dog to accompany me on my lonely nights. I want to stargaze while lazed in a hammock just outside my house, with blankets to keep me warm.

Years from now, I would love to travel in places I’ve never been before, hopefully, with the company of someone special, a friend, a boyfriend, a husband? I would go packing and just take a flight somewhere if my bank account would allow it. I would go to beaches and just frolic or do yoga and meditation on mountain tops or visit a museum and be breathless with things I can barely believe unfolded sometime in history. I would love to experience things first-hand, taste food, gastronomically entice my wits and satisfy my cravings. I would pine for the sensory pleasure of lying in the grass with the sun shining on my closed eyes. I would love that. I know I would.

Years from now, I want to write something that will change my life. I would want to do something or produce something unique in my transitory existence. I want to leave something invaluable to me before I die. If the gods will grant it, I would want others to take my writing invaluable too. But that doesn’t really concern me as of now. I just want to be doing the vocation that has no name. The vocation that doesn’t really pay the rent. The vocation that keeps me sane since the time I knew how to do it. I know I’m not that of a good writer, but I write with my heart and that is all my own.

Years from now, I will have a simple life. A life that would allow me to take long walks at night. To stargaze. To read a novel. Collect quotations. To listen to Kath Bloom or Eva Cassidy while doing the cleaning. To see my friends when they need me. I would love to know how to play the guitar by that time and sing the lyric poems I have penned when I’m inspired.  To feel the breeze on the nape of my neck. To lose myself in conversation with a cherished friend. To snuggle under the covers with a lover. I want to have a family, maybe? Or someone to love – or any of that platonic sorts. I would love us to do things together, of course, and grow old together, like that in a song by The Weepies. He’ll be my home. Oh, I would love that, every girl would love that.

But right now, these are all just my wild imaginings. My romantic notions. My desperate designs. It will remain this way for a long while but I believe we become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day. I am a collection of what I consistently think and feel and do and dream. And I sincerely and blindly believe in some blending of hope and sunshine sweetening of worst lots. Years from now, someday soon.

My Song

Perhaps, the song that completely defines me. 

I'm Twenty

I'm turning twenty in less than twenty hours. So before the bell tolls for me to bid adieu to my teen years, here's the five things I need to work out and about for another exciting year in my life to come.

1. Start dressing better. Reality check. I have to start stocking up on some quality basics and wear dresses. I'm not getting any younger.
2. Start seeing people. I can't stress this enough.
3. Travel more. There's so much to see, so much feel, so much to realize.
4. Always take good care of myself. I need to stop betraying my own heart. 
5. Develop and maintain life long habits. And avoid or stop bad ones.  

Whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come.

Going Zen

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I have been practicing Zen habits for almost a month now and I’m kind of sticking to it without a bit of resistance, though I have my very own band of exceptions here and there.

Sometimes we put so much energy into pushing and striving to get ahead that we miss out on the joy of being where we are. That’s not the way I am comfortable with. That’s why I chose the Zen path. It’s amazing how calm and inspired I feel since I started practicing it. I started believing that every part of my pursuit to happiness can be beautiful and joyful, that I will feel a sense of calmness and peace. This moment will feel like something I need to savor while it lasts—something unique and worth celebrating, regardless of where it takes me.

Basically, these are my personal Zen philosophies.

1. Practice Yoga and Meditation – Find your center, breath and ‘let your thoughts go like the passing clouds’

2. Observe Mindfulness and Peace – Live at the present (YOLO); accept yourself flaws and all, use your strengths; and be aware of your own thoughts and actions moment to moment

3. Simplicity and Minimalism – Quality over quantity;  be more with less possessions;  have less but only the best; control impulsive buying; and find true love in the simple pleasures

4. Healthy Eating Habits – Eat real food, take small bites and chew slowly – savor it

5. Be inspired – Have a sense of wonder, let your heart be your guide and just be happy

Though these sounds fairly simple to follow, the stubborn me still found a few exceptions, I’m afraid. I can’t help it, I’m only human.

Exceptions:

I still drink more coffee than tea.

I’m not going vegan. Ever.

And I’ll still eat junk once in a while especially with friends and family.

Yoga Inversions during menses is a big no-no. Tried it yesterday and got distracted by my own farts. Haha. But restorative yoga did me good.

I will still hoard books. Sorry minimalism. They are my only comfort. After chocolate.

With bath and body products, I still buy cosmetics and branded toiletries. Finding Zen beauty products is just a lot of work.

And with clothing, I pretty much own a wardrobe of a homeless person, so there’s no problem with that.

Zen and Zen-related Sites I follow:

zenhabits.com

mnmlist.com

yogajournal.com

tinybuddha.com

N.B. My birthday and Buddha’s fall in the same date. May 28^th. What can say? Providential. Makes me even more inspired now.

Senior Year Approaching

Now playing: Brighter Than Sunshine By Aqualung

It's a bad state to wake up to: menstrual cramps, dizziness, dry, flaky skin, still tired eyes. I am feeling very terrible. But I'm not gonna make that thwart my deep desire to express how excited I am for senior year to come.

In a matter of two weeks, I will be back to school again. Life is moving so quickly before my eyes. I have one year left in college. While I am pretty happy to have survived, a small part of me is a little sad to see these years slip away. I have spent my three years in college being the goody-two-shoes, nicey pants girl. I suffered an insane amount last year, when I wasn't able to maintain my WGA and garnered only the bronze medal instead of silver. But I built myself back up from that defeat. I watched as my whole world crumbled to the ground, but I kept moving forward. There's more to life that just grades.

I basically have no social life, except for my five classmates who I consider as my friends after three years in campus. I have avoided every party I was invited to, turned down dating opportunities, and shied away from opportunities to be happy because I'm just too damn scared to be out of my comfort zone. This is my biggest regret.

So instead of complaining about how my life never seems to work out the way I want, I am going to do something about it., I have created a bucket list before I get my ass dragged out of the campus and leave the university. Here it is:

1. Attend all college and ASSEM hosted parties including acquaintance and Christmas parties;
2. Study in main library every freakin' friday;
3. Go to every SC sponsored event on campus;
4. Own three dresses or skirts and actually wear them;
5. Write my last undergrad column for The Forum or Dimensions;
6. Win or earn something out of writing;
7. Write the best thesis on Systemic Functional Linguistics using the Marxist Feminist Criticism;
8. Graduate with distinction - hopefully a laude status;
9. Finish my OJT and Practice Teaching;
10. Actually graduate!

Okay, now I can go back to Asana.

My Whatabouts

As you already are aware of my dear blog, I have been figuratively bleeding from paper cuts after reading tens of lignin-infused library books and; parched and crinkly documents just to write the shitty first draft of the first chapter of my beloved thesis. 

These past few weeks, I couldn't be bothered. My default disposition includes the sedentary me, sitting with slight discomfort (as my back always hurts from sitting for long periods of time), my unwashed hair, my coffee mug cooling off, and pieces of paper which of what they contain I barely understand. 

But I don't complain. Though sometimes, it seems that my unrequited love for these scholarly endeavor is gradually weakening in force and intensity, there are still moments of purposeful success when a tidbit of citation  relates to the paradigm of my problem. In prominence, I am well aware that I am far off the curve of moving on to the next chapter but I'm getting there.

Every sacrifice will pay off in the end. I'm sure of it.

Well, hopefully.

I am currently reading The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. This is the third book that I've read from her list of works; after Summer and Ethan Frome. So far, it's great. Though sometimes, I feel like reading an anthropological research about the New York tribes of the first half of the 19th century. Also, I am always surprised about thehumor that Wharton incorporates in much of her writing, although I found little to smile about Ethan Frome.

Well, about my work, it's okay. I'm working for almost two months now and getting quite attached to my nine students. I don't know if I will continue working when senior year comes. It would be quite difficult, I think, to go to school during TTH and practice teaching on MW; then work from six to ten on evenings. But I am really taking so much pleasure in earning and spending my very own money. Being financially independent has renewed my perception about money and life in general. 

So those are the significant aspects of my life at the moment. See nothing has really changed.

P.S. Last weekend, Jay and I had a wonderful time doing our regular rounds at Gaisano Passi, criticizing whatever meets our critical eyes. Had terrible laughs and stuff. Went to our dear Alma Matter to reminisce our high school bliss and tragedies. Ate yogurt, oh the misunderstood yogurt, and spent hours sitting in the city plaza enjoying the nothingness, impulsively saying what comes in our minds in between comfortable drifts of silence and watched the night as it happens.

Also, Pearl was cordial enough to join us last Sunday, in trudging carabao trails, skipping muddy creeks and climbing grassy land elevations, snacked on chips, and chocolate chip cookies and found love in sweet, supple cherries and flavored yogurt. Thanks, guys!

Mixtape Masterpiece

To the one who emailed me these song links, whoever you are, I thank you with all my heart. You just made my day. I just had to share these songs because they are beautiful.

1.       Jim Croce - I Had To Say I Love You In A Song

2.       Jimmy Eat World - Polaris

3.       Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

4.       Dashboard Confessional  - Stolen

5.       Embrace - Gravity

6.       Dramagods - Something About You

7.       Bruce Springsteen - Can't Help Falling In Love

8.       One Man Band Cover - Aubrey

9.       Plain White T’s - Hey There, Delilah

10. Jack Johnson - Angel

I feel like crying.