Forgive Yourself

Forgive yourself the nights you climb into bed face full of makeup, too tired to take it off. Forgive yourself the days when one cup of coffee is not enough, when the two major food groups are coffee and sugar. Forgive yourself that one night when at two am you were still awake eating a box of Hopia, craving and feeling guilty thereafter.

Forgive the moment you let a boy touch your body just because you’re feeling vulnerable and lonesome and a little curious. Forgive yourself and forgive him and get over it. Realize that you have more self-control, grace and respect than you ever thought. Keep some secrets closer but tell it to a trusted girl friend. Do not regret. At that time, it was exactly what you wanted. Now, save yourself for someone who truly cares.

Forgive yourself for actually loving the gentle curve of your hips. And to hell with a society which suggests you might not or should not. They herald your womanhood, the man you marry will lose himself in them, and they will hoist groceries and children. Love it instead. Beauty is the projection of ugliness and by developing certain monstrosities, that we obtain the truest of friends and the purest of ornaments.

Forgive yourself for plucking your brows way too much, for constantly picking on a zit in your chin, for braiding your hair even if you know it'll damage it, for missing yoga practice in two weeks just because you were awfully busy, for the messy bedroom, for the laundry piled in the corner, for the book you haven't finished reading after all this time. Forgive yourself for you are young and experimenting with your looks. Start once again. Take care of your body and your mind. 

Forgive yourself for the times when you left all your work at the backseat just to escape for a little time, just to see that it has doubled since you last perused it. Forgive yourself for being overwhelmed with school work, publication duties and stage arts practice. Take this pressure as a guiding force and start again.

Forgive yourself for being too proud sometimes, for being a snob, ignorant, for being unloved and being incapable of showing your feelings to others. For crying instead of talking back to people when they hurl your ego to the wall. Crying is not weakness, crying is a testament of your unfaltering humility and sincerity. Forgive the nights you cannot sleep - sadness or some unnamed force pressing heavy on your chest. Forgive the mistakes of the last several years. – so you made them. Okay. Enough. Move on. The mistakes and the fault-lines, they are the foundation. 

Forgive yourself that you did not choose an easier path. And forgive yourself the sadness you caused those around you. The broken-promises and cutting words and the things left unsaid. Fear was large and biting. Forgive the anger you feel after arguing with your siblings, they were wrong but so were you. Feel it and then look again with kinder eyes. Forgive yourself for not handling it all better, for feeling like you let others down.

Forgive yourself for crying two days in a row, for the heavy sighs and breaths. The path is not done, the road is not finished, why are you trying so hard to rush the whole thing? And please, for the love of all that is good and holy forgive yourself for loving some people who cannot love you back. Love them anyway. Live your way into it, with love and grace and kindness. Ferociously, begin to live and work and fight and love with an unparalleled ferocity. Let fear dictate nothing. Unfurl your chest. You have all the armor you'll ever need. See with wide eyes and don't forget to laugh.