Dear Future Boyfriend:

I’m pleased to know that you take the time to read this rather cheesy letter of mine. I mean, some guys would think that I’m a little desperate to write something like this. It feels good to know that you look past that because you simply understand the way I am.
 

I stopped for a while after writing the first paragraph. I can’t quite decide what I’m going to write because of the overwhelming amount of thoughts brewing in my already-cluttered mind. I know I look stupid for having this delusion about you, about someone that probably exists only inside my head. But at the same time, it excites me knowing that someday, my long-time search will eventually come to an end and we can start living a life of happiness. Oddly though, despite my very romantically optimistic point of view, I end up wondering if you DO really exists.

You see, I am not girlfriend material. I lack the feminine physical gestures and features that most guys want. Oh yes, I’m quite serious and nerdy and absurd and aloof. I am way too far from being your ideal girl. So unlike other girls who are confident enough that they will find someone, I fear that someone like you who will be attracted to someone like me don’t exist. But then again, if a poor man can suddenly be a millionaire overnight by winning the lottery–it doesn’t hurt to believe that someday I will hit the jackpot and be someone’s princess too. Happy thoughts all the way.

With me, what you see is not what you get. Though I won’t tell you everything about me at first, be assured that I will try to break all my walls just for you. I have met toads in the past so forgive me if I may be skeptical about you at first. I’ve been hurt a number of times and this is, I point out, the reason why I’m this bunged up. Forgive me, future man. What’s the term they used in Friends With Benefits? Was that emotionally damaged? Emotionally unavailable? I think I fit in one of the two, just can’t decide which one. 

But as early as now, I want to be honest and tell you that I did some things in the past that I am not proud of. There are secrets in my life and you may not like some of them. What I am hoping is that you, the man of my future, will still see me as a treasure despite all the junk that comes with the package.

There are things you will have to accept about me and the life I live and I would rather find out in the beginning if you are capable of trying. I ask that you will tell me early on before my heart gets too involved. Because to tell you frankly, I am not sure if I can afford another heartbreak. I guess I’m asking a lot. (Maybe this is why I can’t find you.) Oh no, it might seem a lot to ask but don’t worry, I will give the same to you.

I’m a great friend, a great listener. I may not have all the right answers in the world to all your problems but I will try anyway. I look forward to our long talks, may it be funny or meaningful ones. It may sound silly but I used to dream of you and me cuddling in front of the TV while watching Sleepless in Seattle or Casablanca or Lord of the Rings, checking out beautiful places, pretty girls or cute guys that pass by us when we are on the way to the destination. I imagine us, hands held, late night phone calls, all that romantic stuff with you. Or me trying to cook up a simple lunch date for us on Valentine’s Day while you pretend to like it and tell me that it’s delicious.

You will be my Mr. Darcy, my Tristan, my Heathcliff no matter how you look like because, first off, I will like you for your brains and your genuine heart. I will try to be your Elizabeth Bennet, your Isolde, your Catherine Winshaw but don’t demand for something more than I could give. I may know you already or have yet to meet you someday, either way I am just as thrilled. But even though I am excited to start my forever with you, and though I sound desperate, or act desperate, you must know that I am not in a hurry to meet you. I don’t want to rush things because I don’t want us to be just like any other couples who easily give up when trials come their way. I want to know you at the time when we’re both ready for each other. No matter how long it takes.

Please promise though, that you will never give up looking for me. Don’t get lost in the woods, or wander on the bushes, my knight in shining armor. (Haha) Because even though I sometimes doubt your existence, I will never stop searching for you.

One day, we’ll be sitting together. I’ll pull up my journal, find this entry, and you’ll know that I am truly, completely, happy both with you and for you.

I really, really hope that day happens. Please come, and when you do, please tolerate my awkward attempts for pun and my insufferable love for letters such as this.

Love,

 

Me