Five Things I’m Terrible At

Hi, here are my flaws. Will you still accept me after reading this?

Now Playing: The Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson (The only song from her that I love)

Dancing- I suck at this big time. You would be embarrassed to be my friend lest bring me to a social event that involves dancing. You would never want to see me dance, ever! In my thousand attempts to bust some moves, the summation of those simply breaks down to a principal fact that I am incapable of random and spontaneous movements. No matter how I try, I just cannot do it properly. When I’m alone in my room and no one’s watching, I dance like there’s no tomorrow but around people, especially during nights-out, I get self-conscious and I end up wobbling about how mental  I look like. I am just completely inept to dance. It is a truth universally acknowledged.

  

Math- English majors share a common aversion to mathematics. It is not entirely pointless but to me, math is just being a bitch all the time. No matter how I try to understand it, it just keeps on snubbing me to the point that I hate it to the core. Don’t get me wrong but when I was in elementary, I saw math in a different light. To me, it was like an art wherein to decipher and to use it, you have to add a trace of imagination and a quarter of logic. But in high school, my perception of math changed drastically. I see it as "Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision" (Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Caroll) and it was pointless, confusing and anxiety-inducing and psychologically impairing.

Initiating Conversation- Saying something friendly, charismatic or cheerful as to start a conversation or break the ice is not my specialty, as a matter of fact, I am terrible at it. I feel incredibly awkward and inept in the presence of human beings, and in this regard the only option I feel I have is ‘resorting to’ speaking to them like I have no interest in whatever they will have to say. Lest, flirting – don’t even mention it.

Keeping up with friends and family- I love my friends and family but It’s just so hard for me to call them, text them, or email them. I am not used to showing or saying purely demonstrative things towards the people I really care for. I do not mean to be selfish or disregarding, but I am awkward, so if you have the guts, please feel free to contact me, and if I don’t reply, be informed that I still care. I am the most loyal person in the world.  


Shopping clothes or dressing up- I am a woman and it is a point of fact that all women wants to shop till they drop. But not me. Personally, I really hate shopping and on why I hate shopping, let me count the ways. It’s not just that I don’t want to see my curves in gleaming lights, or strip in fitting rooms or exhaust my legs from choosing in a myriad of t-shirt designs. It is also that I hate wasting my time looking at clothes that wouldn’t fit me in a million years. I detest feeling fat. I am fat. Haha. Thin girls are lucky because everyone designs for them but if you’re like me, then all those nice clothes worn by mannequins would look unpleasant on you. When I feel brave to buy some clothes, it is usually bi-annually. I have a certain taste for fashion. I’m kind of surprised to the number of times my friends asked my opinion about something they bought, but I cannot apply such pseudo-science to myself.


Sitting, standing or walking with good posture- "Throw your shoulders back, hold in your stomach comfortably”, mama would say. I can’t count the number of times when my mama would tell me this and I can’t count the number of times I got irritated because she always saw these things that doesn’t really bother me at all. But years pass, I realize, my mama was right. I need to stand up straight and look confident. I know I can improve my posture but sometimes I just intentionally forgot it. Probably because my spine is so used to being curve and straightening it will require so much effort on my part. I have made affirmations and that is to say to myself "I lead with my heart." Hopefully, this help me to consciously straighten up all day. I think half the battle for me of correcting my posture is just to be aware of it.