Late Night Thought

What if it was always there, just never spoken?

After all this time, I still couldn't figure out what I want or if I truly want something. All this years, I've been indecisive, unassuming and always the one who keeps everything at a distance. Everything's cool with me but lately I've been trying to keep at pace with the inner workings of myself and I see an abyss of incompleteness. The truth is, I want to talk to him. I've been typing these words in my cellphone, words that don't imply half of what I'm really trying to say to him and I've been passing the time trying to figure out if I will press send or not. Finally, I denied myself the chance of conversing to him. I want him to make the first move. I don't know. I just don't want to appear desperate. But the truth is, I am desperate. I'm desperate to hear him, his voice. To talk to him. To hear just one cheerful hello. Just his hello and I'll be fine. Maybe, this is nothing, but today is Valentine's Day and all I can think about is him. That ought to mean something. Or not. I don't know. My feelings have always puzzled me. And I don't really like that.

What if all this time I'm just pushing away the thought of me and him? What if we could be something?

Like I said, my feelings always puzzled me. And that, this thought, might mean but nothing at all. Good night.