Hearts Day

I don’t know if I hate or love Valentines Day. I never experienced a romantic valentine, in the first place and for me Valentines Day is some sort of Businessman’s Day, too. An ingenious ploy invented by businessmen as a disguise for deceitful promos. It's a commercial frenzy precipitated by chocolate and flower companies. If you know what I mean.

This is the day where I will feel awfully insecure, inadequate, unloved or unliked (Is there such word?). I can’t be blamed and by the way statistics show that almost 50% of teenagers are nerve-racked about Valentines Day - whether they're alone or in love, perennially attached or recently detached, in a long, sleepy relationship that promises to go nowhere or in a new one that’s making you dizzy with delight

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost guaranteed to make everyone psychotic. And the day doesn’t even have to fall on a full moon. And yeah, by the way, we still have a make-up class on the V-day so I mean this might ease my longing for it, hehe.

It’s not that Valentines Day is something I anticipate but well I admit; it would definitely make me feel rejected. In likeness, those who are in love are often disappointed. Why did he choose pink over red? Why didn’t he get me my favorite flowers? Why didn’t I get any flowers, at all? Is his affection waning? Is he trying to tell me something? Am I being dense here? Is there someone else? Has that dreaded moment of abandonment finally come?

In the meantime, I’m telling myself why baffle so much about this thing. I mean, tomorrow is like another day, we look out the window and we will see the same scene we see everyday. We stare at ourselves in the mirror and find the same face we had the last day… but well I might just see other girl students holding a rose or a bouquet of daffodils, or balloons or cards and a lot of fancy (almost rubbish) things. (Okay, I’m just saying that to conceal my pangs of envy, hehe but I experienced like twice given the same stuff and it really made me feel special. Ahh!)

I am sixteen. At this age, I do not really deserve to be loved. I can’t even love myself (well, sometimes I have self-inflicting angst towards myself). But sometimes I still desire a little romance, you know, I’m kind of a quixotic, almost unrealistic dreamer. I’m like Jane Austen (believe me, it had been a hard read for me but I really like her principles about love!) over sense and sensibility.

 

I don’t know what love is but I think I have experienced it and had been broken by it too. Until now, though I try so hard to let go of him, I’m still not over him.

For me though, “Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when the entire pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”--St. Augustine

Like a child we believe in faith wholeheartedly but as we age, we think it is outlandish. But still, I believe in destiny – “two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one". (Okay, my cheesiness is blatant, I know.) I just have this intense feeling about it, soul mates and stuff, haha, because for me it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. I believe in this because I have loved someone not really gifted with excessive physical beauty but I saw the best in him and that just grabbed my heart. (cheeziness). Sam Keen is right, "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."

I don’t know if I hate or love Valentines Day but….but I know that solitude is delight and loneliness is a blessing. That I don’t have to be alone to be lonely as I don’t have to have a date to be happy. That to be alive and be loved by my family—is enough reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day—more than being with someone significant.