New Hope

After about a few days of consideration, I have finally decided to take birth control pills for my skin.

It has been two years that I have suffered from moderate to severe cystic acne. I remember I just graduated from college and I was starting a relationship with my current boyfriend when I suddenly broke out in painful under-the-skin bumps. At that time, I thought I was having a reaction to the product I was using and maybe I did. However, after a visit to the dermatologist, trying benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, oil cleansing, several creams and topicals to help my skin, there is just no day that I don’t wake up with my face breaking out to a new cyst or several pimples.

There was actually a time that it got better and that at the end of last year. I would consider it a great time for my skin because even if I still break out during that time, I only had at least one to two pimples or cysts. That was the time that I thought less about my skin and I went out a couple of times and actually felt some freedom from feeling insecure about my skin. But since last April, I have been breaking out again. I thought I somehow fixed my skin, or that I was getting better, or that I am growing out of acne but no, it was back with a vengeance again and after four months of waiting it out and going back to basic skin care, I decided I have to try something else now. I simply have had enough. 

I have missed a lot of hangouts with my friends because of this. I can’t go out to travel like I once did, and as far as I know, before all this happened I was such a beaming wanderlust. I am not so excited of the thought of going out of the house because the confine of the walls seems more bearable than actually plastering make up all over my face just to get rid of some of the nastiness of my skin, and to tell you, even if I put make-up on, it still looks horrible. I can’t go out on daylight because the harsh lighting reveals how bad my acne is. I don’t open the windows because the light that streams through it shows the painful condition of my skin. I try not to look at myself in the mirror because when I do, I just break down and cry. I quit my job mainly because it was physically tiring and also, the thought of talking face to face to people and giving a lecture with all the attention on my face is giving me a lot more mental and emotional stress than I could possibly handle. It just really robbed me of my self confidence and the very little self esteem that I had. I am tired of covering my cheeks with my hair and keeping my head down when in public. I am always depressed and in a bad mood because of my acne and also I have become a snob and I find it difficult to be intimate with my boyfriend because of it. 

After intensive reading about my options with birth control pills, I have decided to take Diane 35 for it. There are a lot of horror stories on the internet about it and I have read all of them and I am still convinced that I need to take the risk. I found out that I can take it because I don’t have the pre conditions and I am healthy and have no serious diseases that could make matters worse. I also have mild hirutism, a condition wherein the amount of body hair that I have is a bit more than a normal person. Also, I have hormonal imbalance and this can help regulate my hormones and will help my painful cramps and heavy periods thus alleviating my anemia. The more I think about the benefits, the more I am excited to take birth control pills. 

But of course I should be wary of some things. I have to take it responsibly, I know, that’s why read a lot of literature about it. I am also going to balance my life and not depend on the pill to balance my hormones holistically. I hope that Diane 35 works for me and would help return my confidence and improve the quality of my life overall. I hope that I won’t have the initial flare up and I hope it will kick in fast. Oh, this gives me new hope. And it has been a long time. 

My period is supposed to come tomorrow and I will start tomorrow.  I will stick to birth control and won’t try anything else until next year. I will be patient as always. I will write about my progress maybe once a week depending on my mood. 

I will still continue my skin care regimen. I will exercise and eat well. I will be okay.