Not again

I wash my face twice a day, sometimes thrice. I never go to sleep with make-up on. I have a skin care regime. Before I buy any skin care product, I make sure I do extensive research about it by checking its ingridients and reviews. I spend a lot of money on skin care thinking that it may somehow help the condition of my skin. I spend a lot of time and energy and hard-earned money hoping that I will find a product that works well with my skin. Yet, unlike other people who just wash their face with soap and go to bed bare faced, I am still the one who suffers from severe acne. 

Despite my best efforts, I am still the ugly one. 

I am still the girl who hides her face in her hair. I am still the girl that would break out for no reason and not just a pimple, but in huge, painful cysts. Seeing my face in daylight makes me so depressed because of all the scars and redness and active acne going on. I have become afraid of looking at my self in mirror or pictures. I never post a photo of me in social media. I try covering my face with make-up but it just ends up looking cakey. Honestly, I don't know what to do. 

I have tried almost everything on my acne. Sometimes, I feel like giving up. 

I just want to be the girl that doesn't have to mind about her face too much. I want to take photos with my boyfriend. I want to go out with friends and not think about my acne. I just want to walk on the street without hiding my face from the crowd. I just want to go out in the sun and not look so terrible. 

I don't want my skin taking up so much of my time and attention because that is just not me. There are other things to give attention to but sadly, I can't help to think about it ninety percent of the time. It has made me depressed enough and broke and isolated.

I want to break fee.