Of Thesis, Grades and School Matters

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my undergraduate thesis. Our class will soon be obliged on writing one, probably on the second semester of the succeeding academic year. Well, I have been pondering so many considerations on a probable thesis title for two weeks and I’ve fixed my mind on something I’m so excited tolot as an endeavor.

I decided to write a thesis about Jane Austen, or if not about her entirely, perhaps something that will involve her in one way or another. I’ve only formulated but three and they seem imperfect just yet. For the time being, here they are:

Jane Austen’s happily ever after: A Compare and Contrast on the Pursuit of Happiness of the 

Heroines of Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion

Heroinism: The Woman as the Vehicle for Values in the Nineteenth-Century English Novel as Reflected in the Works of Jane Austen

A Comparative Study in the Novels of Jane Austen and John Fowles: A Clash of Feminism and Victorian Sexism viewed in the Twentieth Century

Yes, they are still obscure as my vision but at least there is already a silver lining.

By the way, my grades are in their lowest turnout. It seems that my emotional troubles during the last semester really ruinedmy focus. To make things worse, I almost lost my scholarship and a chance to acquire some honors. Almost. Oh well, I was on the tightrope right there, ready to lose everything any minute if the heavens refuse my endless and relentless litanies for good grades.

I was actually really ready to beg my professors for passing grades and I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown the whole time the grades were distributed. I was desperate but I felt so alive. I clung to the last thread. Every little thing was amplified; every little thing mattered to me during those times. And I was 

spectacularly mortified the whole time.And still very dramatic, as you can totally see.

Yes, I can say that prayers did change things. And yes, I believe that things get worse before things get better. I’m on the lookout for ‘better’ and I can’t wait for it to come. I somehow survived, I believe.

So I’m going to make the best out of the rest of summer vacation. I will drink my relaxation to lees. I will do things that I will forsake for the next academic year. I’m going to focus. I cannot afford any distraction. I will endure once more, like I did during my first year. I’m to awaken that studious version of me hidden beneath the laid-back type which I don’t really like.

I know. I know. These are just words. I know that you think I’m going to just eat them up eventually but hey, give me the benefit of the doubt, will you?